Since my very childhood

Since my very childhood, I was a very impulsive and impatient girl. Parents, and especially grandmother, indulged me. If I wanted something, I needed to get it asap. When I grew up and began trying to explain what was happening to me and within me – this character trait had to be romanticized at any way and by any means in order to save self-esteem — and I romanticized. It seemed to identify poetic desperation, maximalism, chivalry.

And when I became an adult, and relationships with people showed up in all their complexity, my little crippling became too evident. The desire to get the earliest possible result, or even it’s better to say — any result, but as soon as possible («it’s better to get a negative result, but immediately, than wait a week for an answer», «it’s better to say at least something than to keep silent», etc.) — I feel one thing: this painful attitude towards the world is wrong. And I wanna be patient.

Why do some people know how to play multi-variant games, while for others it is more difficult? Seems so that here a speed and switchability of the nervous system processes matter — well, and surely,  discipline matters too. What does switching of nervous processes mean? For example, try to remember how you or your classmates / students passed exams – for part of them it was easier to study without leaving home during several days before the exams, while others needed to go out for walks, communication, rest. They switched from one activity to another and vice versa.

And what I want to say: waiting – on a bigger scale is an ability to switch. You simply “forget” about the so desired result for this period of waiting, as you switched to something else. But at the same time, of course, you remember, love, strive to your main goal. But this is not an obsession.